The bridge disappears and I'm standing on air...

It's been a while since I've blogged. But then again it's been a while since I've felt like "this". I have my wonderful girlfriend to thank for that. She makes me happier than I've been in a while, everytime I look deep into her eyes my heart flutters 1000 times faster and my stomach does sumersaults.

Anyways, back to "this".

"This" is an indescribable feeling, it's that empty, silent sound that hangs around pregnant pauses, it's that moment late at night when you realise you should have done something different. The only problem is that you don't know what you should have (or indeed could have done) and it is with the faintest regret in your mind that you push forward with whatever it is you are doing and end up sleep-deprived and bleary-eyed on the other side.


I think the time has come for me to use the phrase "The shit has hit the fan" for the first time in 2011 and indeed the first time this academic year.

I, like many people, have been bogged down with revision for those all important - yet stupidly timed - post-Christmas exams. The difference with me (and the other people on my Music Technology course) is that I've also had two assignments to complete at the same time (both of which are as of yet unstarted, let alone completed). This was preceeded by no "end of term slow down" in work levels but rather a workload that seemed to gather speed as Christmas grew closer.


Anyways, now I'm not going to complain I have the biggest workload ever - I know a few medical students and their workload is through-the-roof-mental - but what I am going to say is that it would seem that I have a substantially higher workload than some of my other uni friends. By the start of the next term I will have completed approximately 12 assignments, 3 exams and 4 mini-tests all in the space of approximately 14 weeks.


Suffice to say that it's been a hectic term and for the most part I've enjoyed the frantic relief as I've rushed to hand in essays before the deadline, those late night studio sessions as I feverishly finished assignements at god-knows what time in the morning.


Right now I'm beginning to panic slightly.

On Monday I have an assigment due in that I haven't even started, rather, that I don't even have the specific program to do it in!

I feel royally fucked and I know I should have done something differently but I'm beginning to wonder if there was anything I could do.

Have I really been wasting time sat at my desk revising? Did any of it go in? Will I do well in these exams? Will I complete the assignments in time?

I would like to declare that I simply don't have enough time and that it's not my fault but the moment I do that I have to admit that I've been wasting time, something which whilst probably true doesn't offer any comfort when it comes to completing this work and revising for my exams.



Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

I do seem to fail rather spectactualrly when it comes to organisation of my time and getting assignments done in time.


Now all I need is a miracle.


It seems sad that so early into 2011 my optimism should be thwarted but I shall not let it be so.

I shall raise a glass to optimism, to completing my work, to making positive changes to the way I work and to managing to enjoy myself along the way.


Here's hoping it works.

Now for sleep.


xx

Quote of the day: Having heavy conversations about the frivolous constellations of our soul - The Script - Science and Faith.

Song of the day: We apologise for nothing - Fightstar