We all dance to a different drum...

Currently I am in the twighlight zone between hyper from jagerbombs and sleepy/pissed off. The reasons are thusly;

Tonight entailed me going out for my friend Kate's birthday. It started off well enough with me and my good friend Ollie getting out womens outfits on (mine considerably more serious and - if I do say so myself - convincing. We then proceeded to the "Yellow" pub where we chatted and drank and made merry. So far so good. Then we proceeded to a club called Base where everything started to go downhill.

Normally I enjoy clubbing and love nothing more than spending an evening dancing constantly and getting more and more drunk. The problem with tonight? A 'silent disco'.

For those who do not know a silent disco is an event where the club is for the most part "silent" and upon paying a £2 deposit you are given a pair of headphones with which to listen to the dj. Normally there will be two dj's on two different headphone channels playing different styles of music so people can choose which dj to listen to yet still be in the company of their friends. At least that's how they advertise it.

The reality is a little different. Yes you can listen to a different dj to your friends and still dance together but nothing quite ruins your night like trying to dance the night away to a particular song while the whole club is singing another. Tonight the offending song was Killing in the name of. This is a song that has only even been played in "dance music clubs" since it got to Christmas number one a year or so ago. Now obvious dislike for the overplaying and false popularity of the song aside it managed to ruin part of my night by causing the whole club to erupt into a cacophony of "fuck you I won't do what you tell me!" while I was trying to dance to the undeniably "radio 1" style dance song that had somehow engrossed me so.

 This happened a few times with a few different songs and it seemed like the whole club was after near instant gratification as they switched dj's in an almost unified manner.

Now correct me if I'm wrong but isn't the whole idea of clubbing to dance to some awesome music with your friends? Of course getting drunk/wasted/fucked on drugs can be sustituted for "having a good time" but I feel that it is relatively easy to have tremendous amounts of fun withoug getting drunk or wasted. I may have an overly "sentimental" view of clubbing but I truly believe that a club should be operating as one, dancing in time with the music, the rise and fall of each crescendo matching the rise and fall in adrenaline, the beating of hearts unified by the beating of the bass drum and the throb of the bassline, the mixing and eventual "drop" of a new song steering the night on its path.

The idea of going into a club is surely to dance to music with other people. If I wanted to stick on headphones and dance I could do it in my bedroom and have as good a time (if not better). There is something magikal about the way humans react to music and nothing beats a group of complete strangers, being on the same level, feeling the same feelings/emotions and going absolutley mental on the dancefloor to the songs being played by the dj.

I sincerely believe that clubbing has lost its way and that if allowed to continue it will end up being more and more diluted, and end up a quivering wreck, the ghost of its former self.

Another thing that got on my nerves was the lack of 'feeling' in the club. When music is played on top quality speakers at high volumes the music takes on a life of its own in the form of "feeling". This can best be felt when standing right next to the speaker and when you can feel the bass pounding through your whole body. This "feeling" is lost when listening through headphones and being the music nerd that I am, even if the songs are crap I can still enjoy good sound from a nice soundsystem.

Certain parts of the bodies (such as the back of the knees) are cavities. These cavities have a certain frequency and when these frequencies are played at loud volumes (around 96 db) they cause that cavity to involuntarily move. This means that when the kick drum of a song is tuned right it should make clubbers dance involuntarily. You can consciously stop it but if you're idly stood around chatting your legs will begin to twitch and eventually you should end up on the dancefloor. This effect is lost completely when wearing headphones.


And so I am left with nothing to say but "give me a good soundsystem, a room of unified people and you will have me dancing all night long!"


xx

The difference...

Over time I have come to realise that there is a distinct difference between saying you will do something, and actually doing it.

Now is may seem like an obvious point to make but if you really take a look at how many things you say you're going to do and how many things you actually do, you'd be surprised. We all do it and it's a difficult cycle to break, but it seems fairly ingrained into the way we live our lives. It's that thought process when you say you'll do something (i.e. tidy your bedroom or do important task a.) and then you immediately put it in your diary to do tomorrow, or the day after. Granted some things cannot be done straight away. If for instance I needed to go buy milk and stationary then right now it would be very difficult seeing as it's 1:02a.m. (at the time of writing). I will agree that these things can be put in a diary or stuck as a note onto the fridge to do when the shops are open but there are so many other things that we (or at least I) will perpetually put off doing until it gets unbearable.

This is part of the reason why I never really "do things" (like go to festivals or go on holiday with friends etc. etc.). I.e. I'll say I'm going to organise a festival trip but when push comes to shove it's easier said than done and I'll do it tomorrow or the day after or just forget about it altogether because the organising is "incredibly" difficult.

Recently I stumbled across this... This is the diary of Zoog Von Rock (synth-geek-extrodinaire for the band Angelspit) whilst Angelspit were in the process of writing and recording their album Blood Death Ivory. It details the ups and downs; the good, the bad and the ugly of writing an album and how financially, physically and mentally difficult the experience can be.

Reading it made me realise how freaking hard life can be, not only for those in stable jobs but for those in financially unstable careers (like musicians). It has made me realise that I'm going to need to do a hell of a lot to get to where I want to be but it hasn't disheartened me.

If anything it's made me stronger and more positive. Right now I have just finished eating a yummy cheese and onion 'slice' thingy, have been musing on how I can get to where I want to be and more specifically what I need to do to get there whilst still be able to have somewhere to sleep and food to eat.

It's going to be hard as hell but I am determined to get there, and I will but I need to start with small changes.

The first of these is going to be a change in my bedroom. Right now it's a mess. Not as bad as it has been but a mess is a mess all the same. When I have finished this blog I will be turning off the internet, cranking up Blood Death Ivory and tidying my room until it sparkles. I don't care that I don't particularly 'want' to or that I'd much rather be sitting watching Prison Break and refreshing Facebook countless times.

I am going to make this room look pretty and clean and tidy and when I am done. Then I can sleep. Then and only then.

Then in the morning the first thing I am going to do is put on my washing, get a shower and dressed and sort out my important "to-do" items. These include a) filling out fraud forms (to get my £50 back) and b) writing a letter to the Disability Living Allowance people telling them of a change in address. Then after that is done I will be working on the (unfortunately neglected) second half of my album, doing some editing/producing of songs.

I will NOT spend my time sitting watching Prison Break (or any other series or film) or refreshing Facebook every 2 minutes. I shall be using my time to get done the things that need to be done.

The afternoon will consist of some more photography (to sell as prints on my DeviantArt), some longer-term planning and looking at the possibilities of doing some kinf od live performance be that in the form of putting on a gig or putting on a club night.

It is an epic plan that will take some dedication and motivation to impliment but I believe that I can do it.

No long will I be putting off doing things! No longer will I be chained to an oppressive of "I'll do it later"!

I WILL ROCK!

And now, it is time for me to sign off.

Wish me luck.

xx

Dreaming

So, dear blog. It's been a while. Anyways.


I'm beginning to dream again. I can't quite decide whether this is good or bad.

It is good because it means I will reach for the stars and beyond, filling my life with awe and wonder. But at the same time it is bad because It often feels like I have wildly unfounded dreams of grandiose ideas that I will never achieve.

I am torn. Just like my heart is torn.


In which I rant about my (lack of) love life.

I recently split up with my girlfriend and I can't decide between "mourning" or trying to get her back. The former won't do anything and the latter is pointless but I cannot help but think that if I just showed her how much I loved her she might take me back. We broke up as friends and on a mutual "understanding" that it wasn't going to work. That said I still wish I'd grabbed both her hands, stared straight into her deep eyes and told her how much I loved her, told her that I loved her with every fibre of my being and that I would move mountains just to be with her.




That said I am, for now, revelling in a quiet sort of happiness that I have found within myself, within my friends, within my music and within life. I am not running around like a madman and am not always full of energy and "fire" like I usually am but I am contended (for the most part) in my life and I cannot complain all that much.

That is all for now.

xx

Song of the day: Katy Perry - Firework

Quote of the day: Mal: "We're not gonna die. We can't die, Bendis. You know why? Because we are so...very...pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die."

There is inspiration to be found in the tinest grain of sand...

I saw this and it made me smile...


"Someone will always be prettier.
Someone will always be smarter.
Someone's house will be bigger.
Someone will drive a better car.
Someone's children will do better in school.
And Someone's husband will fix more things around the house.
So let it go, and love you and your circumstances.
Think about it.
The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.
And the most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to have children.
And the richest woman you know, who's got the car, the house, the clothes....might be lonely.
And the word says if "I have not Love, I am nothing."
So, again, love you.
Love who you are.
Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say:
"I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!"
"Winners make things happen. Losers let things happen.""


It has inspired me into a new frame of mind. :D

xx


Quote of the day: To the world you may just be one person, but to one person you may just be the world - Heather Cortez

Song of the day: The Jezabels - A little piece

If fireworks were filled with glitter they'd be the colour of my soul...

Nothing's changed.

Except perhaps the realisation that I have to take a few paces back and hope.

Jack Kerouac said "The only one's for me are the mad ones" and this is something that has always resonated with me. I surround myself with wonderously mad and crazy people not only because they validate my madness but because they are more willing to do crazy and fantastical things with me.


With this in mind I hope we can do many crazy and fantastical things together.

With love

xx

Quote of the day: The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww! - Jack Kerouac

Song of the day: Stop and Stare - Fenech Soler