The intoxicating beauty of life...

21 years ago to this very day my wonderul mother endured what I can only describe as one of the most beautifully painful things that any women will ever have to endure. It is such a beautifully natural thing to behold, and as human beings I believe many of us have lost the sense of wonder that childbirth used to fill people with. Of course nowadays we know what happens and why and so the enchanting mystery seems to be lost. But it doesn't have to be. Each birthday I spend at least 5 minutes just thinking about the beauty that must have been created at that moment. Not a physical beauty (although if I do say so myself...) but rather a sense of beauty. The sense that everything in the world is filled with joy and love and hope. The sense that a life has been created. The sense that watching that life grow will be more than joyous.

Each and every year I can tell that my mother still has a love/hate relationship with 1:20p.m. on Saturday 30th September, the love being for the moment I was placed into her arms and the hate being for well... you get the picture. Although when I was placed into her arms the relief and love were all the more greater seeing as how 30 minutes previous I'd been snatched from her as she was told "we think their might be a hole in his skull". As it turns out there is no hole in my skull (which is kinda sucky in that a hole in my skull would account for many things that seem to be wrong with me).


So, here I am again. Another year gone by and another list of things, some accomplished and many forgotten about. I've had many highs and many lows and all of them have helped shape the person I am at this moment. It's odd when you think about how one moment could have changed everything. For instance, if I hadn't sent one particular facebook message I would never have met "the original woman", and thus I would never have grown as close as I am to my best friend. I'm glad things turned out the way they did though. And I'm glad things have turned out the way they have with my life in general.

I had to go through shit at highschool to realise that college would be so much more fun and that I'd actually make some friends. I had to fail one university course to see that I was capable of being independant. Everything works out in the end. Although it is with hindsight that I wish I had foresight.

Today is a time for immense reflection for me. I'm finally back at university, embarking on my journey as a student, after a year of not finding a job. This time last year I was filled with vigour to get finding a job after my disastrous failing my first year at Lancaster University. After about a week though that vigour dissappeared and for about a year I vegetated. I had a good time while I was doing it but mentally I vegetated.

This time though I'm not going to vegetate. This time I'm going to work like I've never worked beofre. Then I'm going to party long and hard. I'm going to get to gigs, I'm going to play some gigs, I'm going to dj at some parties, I'm going to run, laugh, jump and skip my way through the joys of life and I 'aint gonna stop until I've laughed myself silly, high on the intoxicating beauty of life. :D


This was meant to be longer and more rambling but I have a lecture soon so I'm going to finish up here and continue later.

xx