It's not a hill, it's a mountain; as your start up the climb...

So. Any ideas on how to stop wallowing?

Because I am. Not in self-pity. Not in self-loathing. But in love.

Yes. I'm wallowing in love. And to an extent it's good. It's nice. I'm happy in love. I'm the happiest I've been in a while. Truly.

But now he's (and by he I mean my boyfriend Sam) moving back down south next week. He's going home for about 5 days and then moving into his halls at Bangor Uni.

That's what, 79.48 miles. Which doesn't seem to far on the surface. But it's oceans to me.

It's oceans to both of us.

Sam seems to be coping better than I am. Maybe because he's done this before. I don't think he has. Maybe he's more secure in his feelings for me. I don't know.

All I know is that;

I LOVE Sam Roulstone

and that;

OCEANS WILL NOT STOP US!

That's all for now. I felt the need to vent. I still do.

I'm not rid of the unshakeable fear in my very soul. I'm not distracted enough to stop wallowing in my own thoughts about what's going to happen and how I'm going to feel and how I'm feeling right now. How stupidly upset I am that he's leaving.

Of course I'm making the most of our time together whilst he's still up here and that's nice. It's nice to know that our love has been strengthened by me becoming more sure of myself after Pride and other things that have happened.

But you know. I just can't help being all upset and "meh" and "blah" about him leaving.

It's understandable really. But it's still annoying.

That really is all for now. I'm out of words. The words I have already don't do what I wanted to write any justice. But hey.

xx

Song of the day: Either I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight - U2 or Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap