Right now everything is sublime. It is all tinted with a rosey colour, smells like freshly cut grass and sounds like Nick Drake. And there is a reason for this. That reason is embedded in the turning of the wheel, in the sort sultry slumber of spring that signals the awakening of the world from it's long winter hibernation.
Now as someone who suffers from the symptoms of S.A.D. the coming of spring is always welcome. Now I don't know anyone who doesn't suffer some kind of winter blues in some form or other, even if it's just the cry of "eurgh it's winter, it gets dark early." and as such I don't see myself as being special. That said I do notice a remarkable difference when the weather changes from "weak-as-piss-rain" to "not so much warmer and only slightly less cloud". (By which I mean I live in the U.K. and that the change from winter to spring isn't always a dramatic change.)
When spring does eventually, well, 'spring', I notice a dramatic change within my mood, my ability to rise early, my music taste and the frequency with which I try and get away with wearing shorts. This is due, in part, to longer daylight hours but also to a shift in something more profound. I believe that the changing of the seasons can be equated to the turning of a wheel, something that always returns to the beginning, over and over again, cyclical and ever spinning. It is this turning of the wheel that I feel connects me to the changing of the seasons, and is responsible for the feelings of elation that I feel every time I can feel spring around the corner.
Most of the time, this changing of the seasons is greeted by myself with a few whoops and cheers, some trips to random places in my car with the stereo blasting, and a fair bit of partying but this time around something feels different.
This time around I feel like I am right on the precipice of an experience so sublime and wonderful I feel my outlook on life could be changed forever. I am standing close to the edge, can hear the sea and am ready to dive into it's blue, calming waters with the confidence and courage I lacked as a child. The only way I can describe it is as though I'm standing at a door with my hand on the handle, not knowing what is beyond the door but still being excited to step through anyway.
I can see this taking shape in a few forms.
Firstly I am finally coming to grips with my sense of self-control. I once saw the quote "Everything in moderation, including moderation" by the Buddha in a fantastic (though sadly closed) Buddhist cafe on the island of Gozo and it seared its way into my impressionable teenage brain and has stuck with me ever since. Except that of late I have noticed (via my ever expanding waistline) that I've forgotten about the first half of that phrase "everything in moderation". Now before you all get worried, this doesn't mean I'm going to be any less crazy than I am or that I'm going to party any less, it just means I'm going to start being aware of it more and hopefully strike up a good balance between work and play. To this end I have started Yoga classes once a week to help (for want of a better word) 'un-stiffen' my incredibly stiff muscles, to help me ache less, to help give me some confidence and to one day be able to touch my toes.
I have also started on a journey of getting back in touch with my Paganism. Now you'd think that being the chair of an "Earth Religions Society" for the year I'd be more in touch with my Paganism than ever before. That's where you're wrong. Going away to university, and being partially-diagnosed with A.D.D., put me out of touch with my spirituality and for a while left me a nervous wreck. This extended to me loosing my ability to focus long enough to meditate, work magik/rituals, or to visualise. I am finally learning the ropes of this whole life thing and slowly am able to start taking some of these things back. Starting with meditation.
As a mild-chronic-insomniac meditation helped me in the throes of my youth when I am sure I was destined to become far more depressive, and downright weird. It's been a long while since I actually sat still for longer than 15 minutes (like I used to) but I am slowly learning that I need to take the time to become in-tune with my needs and that taking a few paces back from life can give you a wonderfully new perspective on everything.
Secondly, is how I treat people. Now I'm going to sound egotistical staying this but who cares. I have always been (or at least tried to be) the nicest, sweetest person to everyone. Yeah. Then high-school happened and post bullying and in the throes of depression this went straight down the drain. Once I'd picked myself up, I regained my composure and became all sweet and lovely and trying to liking everyone. Then out of nowhere... *KAPOW* I was hit with this sudden urge to bitch about people. Not everyone, but just those who I deemed annoying enough to warrant a slap around the face. Gone was the idea that if I got to know them they'd change, and in came the callous words spoken only in the company of friends. Fortunately I stopped, took a few steps backs and realised what I was doing. Yeah. Time to change that. And change it I will. Tim Minchin said "I will judge you for no reason but your deeds." and I agree wholeheartedly.
And on that note it is time for me to bid you adieu, and leave my desk to enjoy the last remnants of this sunshine.
Peace
xx
Quote of the day: "What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? It's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-by. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies." - Jack Kerouac, On the Road
Song of the day: Nick Drake - Pink Moon
When spring does eventually, well, 'spring', I notice a dramatic change within my mood, my ability to rise early, my music taste and the frequency with which I try and get away with wearing shorts. This is due, in part, to longer daylight hours but also to a shift in something more profound. I believe that the changing of the seasons can be equated to the turning of a wheel, something that always returns to the beginning, over and over again, cyclical and ever spinning. It is this turning of the wheel that I feel connects me to the changing of the seasons, and is responsible for the feelings of elation that I feel every time I can feel spring around the corner.
Most of the time, this changing of the seasons is greeted by myself with a few whoops and cheers, some trips to random places in my car with the stereo blasting, and a fair bit of partying but this time around something feels different.
This time around I feel like I am right on the precipice of an experience so sublime and wonderful I feel my outlook on life could be changed forever. I am standing close to the edge, can hear the sea and am ready to dive into it's blue, calming waters with the confidence and courage I lacked as a child. The only way I can describe it is as though I'm standing at a door with my hand on the handle, not knowing what is beyond the door but still being excited to step through anyway.
I can see this taking shape in a few forms.
Firstly I am finally coming to grips with my sense of self-control. I once saw the quote "Everything in moderation, including moderation" by the Buddha in a fantastic (though sadly closed) Buddhist cafe on the island of Gozo and it seared its way into my impressionable teenage brain and has stuck with me ever since. Except that of late I have noticed (via my ever expanding waistline) that I've forgotten about the first half of that phrase "everything in moderation". Now before you all get worried, this doesn't mean I'm going to be any less crazy than I am or that I'm going to party any less, it just means I'm going to start being aware of it more and hopefully strike up a good balance between work and play. To this end I have started Yoga classes once a week to help (for want of a better word) 'un-stiffen' my incredibly stiff muscles, to help me ache less, to help give me some confidence and to one day be able to touch my toes.
I have also started on a journey of getting back in touch with my Paganism. Now you'd think that being the chair of an "Earth Religions Society" for the year I'd be more in touch with my Paganism than ever before. That's where you're wrong. Going away to university, and being partially-diagnosed with A.D.D., put me out of touch with my spirituality and for a while left me a nervous wreck. This extended to me loosing my ability to focus long enough to meditate, work magik/rituals, or to visualise. I am finally learning the ropes of this whole life thing and slowly am able to start taking some of these things back. Starting with meditation.
As a mild-chronic-insomniac meditation helped me in the throes of my youth when I am sure I was destined to become far more depressive, and downright weird. It's been a long while since I actually sat still for longer than 15 minutes (like I used to) but I am slowly learning that I need to take the time to become in-tune with my needs and that taking a few paces back from life can give you a wonderfully new perspective on everything.
Secondly, is how I treat people. Now I'm going to sound egotistical staying this but who cares. I have always been (or at least tried to be) the nicest, sweetest person to everyone. Yeah. Then high-school happened and post bullying and in the throes of depression this went straight down the drain. Once I'd picked myself up, I regained my composure and became all sweet and lovely and trying to liking everyone. Then out of nowhere... *KAPOW* I was hit with this sudden urge to bitch about people. Not everyone, but just those who I deemed annoying enough to warrant a slap around the face. Gone was the idea that if I got to know them they'd change, and in came the callous words spoken only in the company of friends. Fortunately I stopped, took a few steps backs and realised what I was doing. Yeah. Time to change that. And change it I will. Tim Minchin said "I will judge you for no reason but your deeds." and I agree wholeheartedly.
And on that note it is time for me to bid you adieu, and leave my desk to enjoy the last remnants of this sunshine.
Peace
xx
Quote of the day: "What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? It's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-by. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies." - Jack Kerouac, On the Road
Song of the day: Nick Drake - Pink Moon
