The difference...

Over time I have come to realise that there is a distinct difference between saying you will do something, and actually doing it.

Now is may seem like an obvious point to make but if you really take a look at how many things you say you're going to do and how many things you actually do, you'd be surprised. We all do it and it's a difficult cycle to break, but it seems fairly ingrained into the way we live our lives. It's that thought process when you say you'll do something (i.e. tidy your bedroom or do important task a.) and then you immediately put it in your diary to do tomorrow, or the day after. Granted some things cannot be done straight away. If for instance I needed to go buy milk and stationary then right now it would be very difficult seeing as it's 1:02a.m. (at the time of writing). I will agree that these things can be put in a diary or stuck as a note onto the fridge to do when the shops are open but there are so many other things that we (or at least I) will perpetually put off doing until it gets unbearable.

This is part of the reason why I never really "do things" (like go to festivals or go on holiday with friends etc. etc.). I.e. I'll say I'm going to organise a festival trip but when push comes to shove it's easier said than done and I'll do it tomorrow or the day after or just forget about it altogether because the organising is "incredibly" difficult.

Recently I stumbled across this... This is the diary of Zoog Von Rock (synth-geek-extrodinaire for the band Angelspit) whilst Angelspit were in the process of writing and recording their album Blood Death Ivory. It details the ups and downs; the good, the bad and the ugly of writing an album and how financially, physically and mentally difficult the experience can be.

Reading it made me realise how freaking hard life can be, not only for those in stable jobs but for those in financially unstable careers (like musicians). It has made me realise that I'm going to need to do a hell of a lot to get to where I want to be but it hasn't disheartened me.

If anything it's made me stronger and more positive. Right now I have just finished eating a yummy cheese and onion 'slice' thingy, have been musing on how I can get to where I want to be and more specifically what I need to do to get there whilst still be able to have somewhere to sleep and food to eat.

It's going to be hard as hell but I am determined to get there, and I will but I need to start with small changes.

The first of these is going to be a change in my bedroom. Right now it's a mess. Not as bad as it has been but a mess is a mess all the same. When I have finished this blog I will be turning off the internet, cranking up Blood Death Ivory and tidying my room until it sparkles. I don't care that I don't particularly 'want' to or that I'd much rather be sitting watching Prison Break and refreshing Facebook countless times.

I am going to make this room look pretty and clean and tidy and when I am done. Then I can sleep. Then and only then.

Then in the morning the first thing I am going to do is put on my washing, get a shower and dressed and sort out my important "to-do" items. These include a) filling out fraud forms (to get my £50 back) and b) writing a letter to the Disability Living Allowance people telling them of a change in address. Then after that is done I will be working on the (unfortunately neglected) second half of my album, doing some editing/producing of songs.

I will NOT spend my time sitting watching Prison Break (or any other series or film) or refreshing Facebook every 2 minutes. I shall be using my time to get done the things that need to be done.

The afternoon will consist of some more photography (to sell as prints on my DeviantArt), some longer-term planning and looking at the possibilities of doing some kinf od live performance be that in the form of putting on a gig or putting on a club night.

It is an epic plan that will take some dedication and motivation to impliment but I believe that I can do it.

No long will I be putting off doing things! No longer will I be chained to an oppressive of "I'll do it later"!

I WILL ROCK!

And now, it is time for me to sign off.

Wish me luck.

xx