Nothing in this world worth having comes easy. That's what we need to remember. And right now it's spurring me on more than anything. It's a phrase that seemed to knock me to six with it's truth. It's something so true and pure that it really made me prick my ears up and listen. If something is worth a damn then it's not going to be easy. But it makes things all the more worth it. It's not about the destination, it's about the journey.
Right now I'm moving forward in my life in many different ways. I'm closer and closer each day to realising my dream of being a musician. Every day I'm getting closer and closer to doing what I want and enjoying life to the full. It's exciting and I cannot wait. I'm taking every second and shaking it of all its time just so I can do all the things that I want. It's fantastic. It's also insane. But it's great.
Life is making me realise that I cannot take the easy road and that I have to plunge full-heartedly into my projects with vigour and that I have to work and work at what I'm doing to get where I want to be.
This is just a ramble. And not a good ramble either. Oh well. It needed to happen. It's cathartic. I feel cleansed rambling like this. Don't ask me why or how because I couldn't say.
My heart is sighing again.
Am I in love? It is hard to say. I love many people but cannot put my finger on the answer to the afore mentioned question. I think I'm in love and would very much like to love and be loved but it is hard to pin-point the exact emotion. But then again it always is with me. Damn stupid learning disability. Oh well. Guess it's the price I pay for being gifted in other areas of my life. Because I am. No doubt about it.
That is all for now. I am done.
xx
Song of the day: Howie Day - Collide
Quote of the day: "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin
Saturday 26 December 2009
Friday 11 December 2009
The flowering of life
The world is opening up to me. It’s opening its wide, bleary eyes and staring at me right in the face, smiling that cheeky grin I never knew existed. I am at the pivotal point, the fulcrum of my life, and it can carry on going one way or I can move forwards and tip the scales. And tip them I will.
At the time of writing I’m say in Cafe Nero watching the world go by. It’s entertaining; it helps me forget that I’m writing boring articles of meaningless drivel that somehow are passed off as good. There is some cute cosmopolitan woman in front of me (and by in front I mean a few tables in front). She hasn’t seemed to notice me yet and in all probability doesn’t know that I’m blogging about her. But that’s the beauty of life. It’s unknown and secretive and as much as I do know tend to keep secret it is very easy to keep little things hidden, to keep certain little thoughts in your mind, letting them stay as thoughts forever.
There is an old couple to the north-east of me; an old man with slowly disappearing white hair and a woman with equally white hair but thick and full. I cannot hear their conversation and I’m going to assume they are married but for all intents and purposes they were having a small argument before, the way old people do with their disapproving looks at each other and their finger pointing. It was probably nothing really because even though I do not know them and even though I cannot hear their conversation I know they must love each other very much. I know that they must have gazed at each other across a dance-floor for hours before tentatively taking up the courage to make their first moves, cautious and refined. I know that the man must have taken it upon himself to ask the woman for a dance and I know that she must have blushed a shade of red that seems impossible now, their skin a white shade of pale. I know that he must have taken her hand and that they must have waltzed slowly across the floor, their heartbeats slowly intertwining just like their hands, their senses starting to notice the smallest of things; the scent of her perfume, the whorls and lines in his hands, the way she held herself, upright and poised like a professional dancer.
This is the beauty of people watching. You can learn so much from so little. It is one of the reasons I come to work in Cafe Nero. Not only because the unwelcome distraction of the internet (more specifically Facebook) is banished but because I can sit and the world can pass me by and I can know that people are doing things with their lives
That hope and love and glory still exist.
That people still have conversations.
That people can still be kind.
It’s like a patchwork quilt of different emotions, all sewed together as one, all different colours, all with different patterns, all meaning different things.
A young father has just sat down to the south-east of me. It is cute. He is here with a child who I will assume is his daughter and it has filled me with a sense of the beauty of life. It also has sparked the maternal instincts that I have always had but have been lacking recently. At first I thought that he didn’t look like he wanted to be here but as he sat down with his drink and placed his child in the high-chair it struck me that he has an obligation to fill,, whether he likes it or not and after a while of settling down into my observations of him I have come to notice that as much as it is hard work he gets a sense of enjoyment from being a father. I can sense that he has had a few sleepless nights recently but that he does not mind and that he is relatively happy with the current situation as it stands. He reminds me of the man with the burnt hands in Jon McGregor’s novel If Nobody Speaks of Remarkable Things. The man with the burnt hands is a single father who damaged his hands beyond repair trying to save his wife from a burning building. He is getting older and cannot be the father he truly wants to be due to his health. I do not get the sense that this father behind me is an only father but I do get the sense that he is trying to be everything he can be for his child and that he would make an excellent single parent.
His child is young and easily distractable, sitting in a wooden chair, attempting to feed herself crisps and drink juice through a straw. Life is awaiting her to explore it and the actions of others seem more interesting than the food being waved in front of her face. The child-like expressions of the people who have caught a glimpse of this small child watching them is testament to the fact that I think she will grow up to be a good child, that and the fact that her father is trying to instil upon her correct manners, like eating with your mouth closed a and other such things.
The old woman went off to do something or other in town and has returned with a look of joy on her face, a young girl at her heels, possible a relative or friend, someone who whilst young and by no-means the epitome of a “good girl” (her jeans and boots giving her a thoroughly modern image) seems to be someone makes this couple smile, someone who can interact with the older generations despite their youth and the older generations seeming dislike of the youth.
My battery on my laptop is going to run out soon and so I must finish off for now and sign off. I am going to purchase sparkling water and a chocolate brownie and then do some well deserved reading.
xx
That hope and love and glory still exist.
That people still have conversations.
That people can still be kind.
xx
Friday 27 November 2009
Dream...
So there I was, lost in a sea of nothingness. then suddenly I was plucked from the dark, like the internal organs of a dead-man, plucked from his body by a vulture in the desert, and in the split second between being asleep and dreaming, I'm aware. Aware that everything is going to change. It doesn't happen for long though, like when you strike a match and the head turns from unused to useless, the milisecond in between where it's nothing, both dead and alive.
I was a pilot. Not your average pilot though. I was a teenage pilot. We were in the middle of nowhere in some random course, doing some random almost-missionary-like-work although it was strange and not quite religious, more just like volunteer work. There was some chinese guy who phoned home to see if it would work when he had his lunch-break (not caring for the time-difference I notice) and then suddenly I was outside. Next thing I know I'm in a field with a caravan helping some guy home with me are two friends (can't remember who) and we jump into something that in my mind looks like a glider but definitely wasnt' because it has thrusters or whatever the fuck those "blastey-blastey-movey-movey" things were under the wings.
Next thing I know we're flying round the country (Distorted Britain) i.e. over it, but it looks like we're flying over a map of it and that we're really, really, close to it, and getting really, really, far in really, really short amounts of time.
Next thing I know I'm asking the guy we're taking home if we can land and then we crash. But we crash in the back of some apartment blocks that look like they're from another country. It's strange as fuck. Then we have to climb down some balconies to retrieve our (now small) plane and find a way out.
The End.
xx
I was a pilot. Not your average pilot though. I was a teenage pilot. We were in the middle of nowhere in some random course, doing some random almost-missionary-like-work although it was strange and not quite religious, more just like volunteer work. There was some chinese guy who phoned home to see if it would work when he had his lunch-break (not caring for the time-difference I notice) and then suddenly I was outside. Next thing I know I'm in a field with a caravan helping some guy home with me are two friends (can't remember who) and we jump into something that in my mind looks like a glider but definitely wasnt' because it has thrusters or whatever the fuck those "blastey-blastey-movey-movey" things were under the wings.
Next thing I know we're flying round the country (Distorted Britain) i.e. over it, but it looks like we're flying over a map of it and that we're really, really, close to it, and getting really, really, far in really, really short amounts of time.
Next thing I know I'm asking the guy we're taking home if we can land and then we crash. But we crash in the back of some apartment blocks that look like they're from another country. It's strange as fuck. Then we have to climb down some balconies to retrieve our (now small) plane and find a way out.
The End.
xx
Sunday 15 November 2009
I'm riding a comet through the space that fills the rift betwen the love in our world...
There is a desire for the soul to be loved. It stems from the very core of when we are forming as foeti in the womb. It’s part of the instinct that stays with us for the rest of our lives, it’s part of the very thing that our mothers gave us during pregnancy that we have kept and cherished and abused and lost and gained and cried about. But the desire for the soul to be loved is filled also with a desire for the soul to be filled with that feeling of joy, the one that is inextricably linked with happiness down to your very soul. The two are different, just like pleasure of the flesh is different to pleasure of the heart, just like falling in love and lusting are completely separate and different experiences. The two might occur simultaneously of course, but they are still different and in any case as simultaneous as they seem they are always out of sync. They always occur at different times even if it within the microsecond between a blink and a tear, between the breath that gets caught in your throat when you hiccup and the time it takes to realise that your breathing has continued as normal.
And this microsecond.
It’s like the unexplainable absence of time when you sleep. Like the moment you wake up and realise that several hours have past and you didn’t realise. And it leaves you horrified, it leaves you with the feeling that you shouldn’t have been sleeping in the first place, that you shouldn’t be attempting anything other than living your life to the full, that something deep within your psyche is holding you back to the extent where you will never become famous and never become what you always told yourself that you were going to be. Never writing that novel, never recording that c.d., never finding that little niche into which you place yourself and make a career.
It’s not as miserable as you would think though.
There’s a certain beauty about the way it works.
The way you suddenly notice that you’ve fallen for the one you lusted after for so long.
The way the desires of your very flesh take control and you are guided not by your genitals, not by your head, not even by your heart, but by the very ether of your being, the very thing that makes you who you are, the very blood running through your veins, the very skin that hold together your bones, the inner life-force that runs through your entire nervous system.
At some point, like a shooting star, what we have will have to explode with an energy greater than that of the sun, bursting forth into the very fabric of time and space, filling the universe around us with our song our unbridled passion screaming towards the heavens, killing the pain ‘twixt the cradle and the grave.
‘Till then though we will ride the roller-coaster, we will strap ourselves in, grab hold of each other’s hands, knock back a few strong drinks and fly, use our senses to catapult us half-way to the other side of space, following the line of the universe as it expands and expands and expands, dodging the black-holes and misplaced stars, singing our erroneous heart-break to non but the very people who decided to place upon us the burden of life, to the very people who decided that we were strong enough to fight, that we were strong enough to cope with the pressures of being something more than a thought in a dream, a winkle in an eye, a spark of something down a neurone, across a synapse, and into the deepest darkest parts of the human mind.
We will sing with fervour.
A fervour that has been told in stories as impossible to replicate.
A fervour that would make people laugh and smile and dance and feel gleeful were it not for the simple fact that they do not believe that such happiness ever existed in anything more than fairytales.
And so there our story will end.
Our voices suddenly cutting out mid-song.
The length of the reverberations and echoes only comparable to the volume at which we sing in the first place.
So let us sing.
Let us dance.
Let us run.
Let us live like tomorrow never even existed in our minds.
Never even existed in our memories.
Never even existed.
xx
Song of the day: The Temper Trap - Sweet Disposition or Thom Yorke - The Eraser
Quote of the day: A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants - Bob Dylan and Generosity if giving more than you can, pride is taking less than you need - Kahlil Gibran
Thursday 5 November 2009
Friday 23 October 2009
I still love you with every little piece of my broken heart ...
So. It's been a while. I don't know why. I just haven't felt like blogging. Now is time though. Now is definitely time.
So a lot has happened recently. I've blogged about not being a student I'm sure. But for those of you who don't know... I'm not a student any more.
It's annoying.
It's weird.
It's screwed up.
It's an excitingly fresh, new start.
I have a range or emotions about the situation, mainly because I didn't drop out of uni. I failed. So y'a know, everythings strange. It's like my soul is overflowing with emotions so much so that I cannot control the very growing anguish of the pain that I feel inside. My umbrella always had holes in it. It's just that it's started to rain. What's weird though is that I almost like getting wet. I'm not to sure why. But it's nice.
It's interesting.
It's enjoyable.
It's helping me grow.
It's showing me that only I can shelter myself from the storm. (With the help of my wonderful friends that is; you know who you are.)
That's one piece of news. Onto another.
I am no longer with my boyfriend Sam Roulstone.
It's been coming for a while. I mean the second time we ended up in bed together (third time meeting him) he casually mentioned (during the morning pillow talk) that he was going to Bangor to study Environmental Chemistry "next year". I should have known that things were going to be difficult. In fact I did know things were going to be difficult. But I did this whole "I'll cross that bridge when I come to it" thing which wasn't too healthy. But it worked. We fell in love.
He was gorgeous,
He was sexy,
He was awesome,
He was cuddly,
He was ticklish,
He held my hand,
He was my first,
He was mine.
It wasn't working though. He was a nightmare to get hold of. He was virtually un-contactable for a while because he lost his phone. It was annoying and I needed my cuddles and my kisses etc.
I did go down to Bangor to see him. I went to the open day whilst there and will probably be there next year studying Music Tech. and Creative Writing. It would be awesome to do that.
But I digress. So yeah. I went to see him. Things seemed fine. they were fine. Then I found out that he'd kissed a guy at a party whilst still in Lancaster. This didn't bother me too greatly, or it wouldn't have done if he'd still been in Lancaster. Trouble was he was miles away and could be doing whatever with whoever. I ended it with him. In hindsight I found this a rather hasty decision so I spoke to him and tried to sort it out. I wanted to give him a second chance and to sort things out. Long story short though he told me he didn't love me enough to make it work properly. Not good. Oh well. So then and there we ended it. Our wonderful 5 and a bit months spent together just finished. Finito. Ended.
It's hurting more than I'd like to think it is. I'm not denying it as such. Just trying to put a positive spin on things even though it's still hurting. Not shit-loads. But a little. I haven't got to the crying stage yet. But I do need a shoulder to lean on.
That's that.
I loved you Sam Roulstone.
It's a shame it didn't work.
But I would never have changed the time we spent together.
It was awesome.
xx
p.s. My weekend is going to be tiring. I have the Roc. Soc. trip to Jilly's on Saturday night and then I have to be up early on Sunday for a the Pagan Soc. stone circles trip. It's going to be tiring but fun. I cannot wait.
So a lot has happened recently. I've blogged about not being a student I'm sure. But for those of you who don't know... I'm not a student any more.
It's annoying.
It's weird.
It's screwed up.
It's an excitingly fresh, new start.
I have a range or emotions about the situation, mainly because I didn't drop out of uni. I failed. So y'a know, everythings strange. It's like my soul is overflowing with emotions so much so that I cannot control the very growing anguish of the pain that I feel inside. My umbrella always had holes in it. It's just that it's started to rain. What's weird though is that I almost like getting wet. I'm not to sure why. But it's nice.
It's interesting.
It's enjoyable.
It's helping me grow.
It's showing me that only I can shelter myself from the storm. (With the help of my wonderful friends that is; you know who you are.)
That's one piece of news. Onto another.
I am no longer with my boyfriend Sam Roulstone.
It's been coming for a while. I mean the second time we ended up in bed together (third time meeting him) he casually mentioned (during the morning pillow talk) that he was going to Bangor to study Environmental Chemistry "next year". I should have known that things were going to be difficult. In fact I did know things were going to be difficult. But I did this whole "I'll cross that bridge when I come to it" thing which wasn't too healthy. But it worked. We fell in love.
He was gorgeous,
He was sexy,
He was awesome,
He was cuddly,
He was ticklish,
He held my hand,
He was my first,
He was mine.
It wasn't working though. He was a nightmare to get hold of. He was virtually un-contactable for a while because he lost his phone. It was annoying and I needed my cuddles and my kisses etc.
I did go down to Bangor to see him. I went to the open day whilst there and will probably be there next year studying Music Tech. and Creative Writing. It would be awesome to do that.
But I digress. So yeah. I went to see him. Things seemed fine. they were fine. Then I found out that he'd kissed a guy at a party whilst still in Lancaster. This didn't bother me too greatly, or it wouldn't have done if he'd still been in Lancaster. Trouble was he was miles away and could be doing whatever with whoever. I ended it with him. In hindsight I found this a rather hasty decision so I spoke to him and tried to sort it out. I wanted to give him a second chance and to sort things out. Long story short though he told me he didn't love me enough to make it work properly. Not good. Oh well. So then and there we ended it. Our wonderful 5 and a bit months spent together just finished. Finito. Ended.
It's hurting more than I'd like to think it is. I'm not denying it as such. Just trying to put a positive spin on things even though it's still hurting. Not shit-loads. But a little. I haven't got to the crying stage yet. But I do need a shoulder to lean on.
That's that.
I loved you Sam Roulstone.
It's a shame it didn't work.
But I would never have changed the time we spent together.
It was awesome.
xx
p.s. My weekend is going to be tiring. I have the Roc. Soc. trip to Jilly's on Saturday night and then I have to be up early on Sunday for a the Pagan Soc. stone circles trip. It's going to be tiring but fun. I cannot wait.
Saturday 3 October 2009
Sweet disposition...
So I'm finally blogging again. Although unfortunately this will be the only one in a while due to not having the internet at my new house yet. It's a Lancastrian house I'm sharing with four friends. It's awesome. Except that it has no internet.
I waited from bout 5p.m. to about 9p.m. yesterday for a man called Rob to turn up with a router to fix our problems and connect us to the world wide web via broadband. That didn't happen.
It screwed me over mentally in a quite a weird way. I'd done pretty much nothing all day, just lounging around like you do when you're bored and have important stuff to be doing. And then I was waiting for four hours to be connected to the internet. I had to wait downstairs too so I could hear the guy knock on the door (we have no doorbell) and that was boring. I got all agitated at every car that came past the window, thinking that it might be the guy coming with the internet. I got more and more irate as the hours past and more and more bored and more and more upset and just fucking annoyed.
Then my boyfriend Sam called.
This was awesome. I know he doesn't like talking on the phone (neither do I much) but I'd left him a message earlier to tell him to call me so we could chat about stuff (seeing as he's down at Bangor university in Wales and I'm in Lancaster and I've not spoken to him since (on the phone) since he left Lancaster).
We managed to have a really good, lengthy chat about how he's coping down there and what I'm planning on doing and how he's feeling and stuff like that. It was nice. There were a few awkward pauses, but that's to be expected when you stick a dyslexic and a dyspraxic (both with slight phone phobia) on the phone to each other.
He's awesome. I love him. Very much so. I was thinking about giving him an ultimatum and asking him to convince me to stay with him.
Now I don't need to.
I know I love him too much to split up with him. It's going to be tough, but we CAN make it work.
It's DarkSide tonight. I'm having people paint me in many different types of swirls in an array of different colours. It's going to be awesome. I haven't been able to use my paint over the summer (even though I've been to a few DarkSides) on the basis that it would involve my parents seeing me in copious amounts of paint. Which they don't like.
I had my face painted for Midsummer and they saw it as "taking a step backwards". Like I'm supposed to grow up or something. It's annoying. They shoud know by now that I'm not going to become a serious adult like they are any time soon. Hopefully never. But I can look after myself. I've not given myself food poisoning and died or set the house on fire or done something stupid and dangerous.
I CAN COPE AND ACT LIKE AN ADULT!!!!
HAVING A CHILDISH SIDE TO YOU IS A GOOD THING YOU UP-TIGHT, FUCKING ANNOYING BASTARDS WHO DIDN'T GET THE CHANCE TO FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
*Ahem*
Excuse the small rant there. It had to be done. First blog in a while and all that. I have a lot of pent up emotions that are spilling over like the endless barrage of emotions flowing constantly from my soul, pooling on those around me, inadvertently affecting everybody around me with my mindless outrages and heart-less apologies.
This is good. Very theraputic. And it actually sounds poetic for once. Yay. Or not yay as the emotions might dictate. We'll see.
That's all for now.
xx
I waited from bout 5p.m. to about 9p.m. yesterday for a man called Rob to turn up with a router to fix our problems and connect us to the world wide web via broadband. That didn't happen.
It screwed me over mentally in a quite a weird way. I'd done pretty much nothing all day, just lounging around like you do when you're bored and have important stuff to be doing. And then I was waiting for four hours to be connected to the internet. I had to wait downstairs too so I could hear the guy knock on the door (we have no doorbell) and that was boring. I got all agitated at every car that came past the window, thinking that it might be the guy coming with the internet. I got more and more irate as the hours past and more and more bored and more and more upset and just fucking annoyed.
Then my boyfriend Sam called.
This was awesome. I know he doesn't like talking on the phone (neither do I much) but I'd left him a message earlier to tell him to call me so we could chat about stuff (seeing as he's down at Bangor university in Wales and I'm in Lancaster and I've not spoken to him since (on the phone) since he left Lancaster).
We managed to have a really good, lengthy chat about how he's coping down there and what I'm planning on doing and how he's feeling and stuff like that. It was nice. There were a few awkward pauses, but that's to be expected when you stick a dyslexic and a dyspraxic (both with slight phone phobia) on the phone to each other.
He's awesome. I love him. Very much so. I was thinking about giving him an ultimatum and asking him to convince me to stay with him.
Now I don't need to.
I know I love him too much to split up with him. It's going to be tough, but we CAN make it work.
It's DarkSide tonight. I'm having people paint me in many different types of swirls in an array of different colours. It's going to be awesome. I haven't been able to use my paint over the summer (even though I've been to a few DarkSides) on the basis that it would involve my parents seeing me in copious amounts of paint. Which they don't like.
I had my face painted for Midsummer and they saw it as "taking a step backwards". Like I'm supposed to grow up or something. It's annoying. They shoud know by now that I'm not going to become a serious adult like they are any time soon. Hopefully never. But I can look after myself. I've not given myself food poisoning and died or set the house on fire or done something stupid and dangerous.
I CAN COPE AND ACT LIKE AN ADULT!!!!
HAVING A CHILDISH SIDE TO YOU IS A GOOD THING YOU UP-TIGHT, FUCKING ANNOYING BASTARDS WHO DIDN'T GET THE CHANCE TO FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
*Ahem*
Excuse the small rant there. It had to be done. First blog in a while and all that. I have a lot of pent up emotions that are spilling over like the endless barrage of emotions flowing constantly from my soul, pooling on those around me, inadvertently affecting everybody around me with my mindless outrages and heart-less apologies.
This is good. Very theraputic. And it actually sounds poetic for once. Yay. Or not yay as the emotions might dictate. We'll see.
That's all for now.
xx
Sunday 6 September 2009
It's not a hill, it's a mountain; as your start up the climb...
So. Any ideas on how to stop wallowing?
Because I am. Not in self-pity. Not in self-loathing. But in love.
Yes. I'm wallowing in love. And to an extent it's good. It's nice. I'm happy in love. I'm the happiest I've been in a while. Truly.
But now he's (and by he I mean my boyfriend Sam) moving back down south next week. He's going home for about 5 days and then moving into his halls at Bangor Uni.
That's what, 79.48 miles. Which doesn't seem to far on the surface. But it's oceans to me.
It's oceans to both of us.
Sam seems to be coping better than I am. Maybe because he's done this before. I don't think he has. Maybe he's more secure in his feelings for me. I don't know.
All I know is that;
I LOVE Sam Roulstone
and that;
OCEANS WILL NOT STOP US!
That's all for now. I felt the need to vent. I still do.
I'm not rid of the unshakeable fear in my very soul. I'm not distracted enough to stop wallowing in my own thoughts about what's going to happen and how I'm going to feel and how I'm feeling right now. How stupidly upset I am that he's leaving.
Of course I'm making the most of our time together whilst he's still up here and that's nice. It's nice to know that our love has been strengthened by me becoming more sure of myself after Pride and other things that have happened.
But you know. I just can't help being all upset and "meh" and "blah" about him leaving.
It's understandable really. But it's still annoying.
That really is all for now. I'm out of words. The words I have already don't do what I wanted to write any justice. But hey.
xx
Song of the day: Either I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight - U2 or Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap
Because I am. Not in self-pity. Not in self-loathing. But in love.
Yes. I'm wallowing in love. And to an extent it's good. It's nice. I'm happy in love. I'm the happiest I've been in a while. Truly.
But now he's (and by he I mean my boyfriend Sam) moving back down south next week. He's going home for about 5 days and then moving into his halls at Bangor Uni.
That's what, 79.48 miles. Which doesn't seem to far on the surface. But it's oceans to me.
It's oceans to both of us.
Sam seems to be coping better than I am. Maybe because he's done this before. I don't think he has. Maybe he's more secure in his feelings for me. I don't know.
All I know is that;
I LOVE Sam Roulstone
and that;
OCEANS WILL NOT STOP US!
That's all for now. I felt the need to vent. I still do.
I'm not rid of the unshakeable fear in my very soul. I'm not distracted enough to stop wallowing in my own thoughts about what's going to happen and how I'm going to feel and how I'm feeling right now. How stupidly upset I am that he's leaving.
Of course I'm making the most of our time together whilst he's still up here and that's nice. It's nice to know that our love has been strengthened by me becoming more sure of myself after Pride and other things that have happened.
But you know. I just can't help being all upset and "meh" and "blah" about him leaving.
It's understandable really. But it's still annoying.
That really is all for now. I'm out of words. The words I have already don't do what I wanted to write any justice. But hey.
xx
Song of the day: Either I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight - U2 or Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap
Sunday 30 August 2009
I've finally joined the exclusive club...
I'm going to start this post with a song. You won't be able to hear how it sounds in my head. But the lyrics are nice. I like them.
Verse
Our love is like a crystal glass,
try and hold my hand as the distance attacks,
and we will fight against the pain,
as we are dancing in the rain,
and though I had expected the worst,
you pulled me through with your comfort and words,
held me close, in your arms,
and told things would be fine even though we were far
Chorus
apart,
living in two different places,
trying to hold your hand,
while you were trying to fill the space,
and I knew,
my heart couldn’t take much of this,
this perpetual bliss,
I won't say what it's about. That would be silly. Read of it what you will. I hope you read something different to what I see in the lyrics. Because a song is about a story. And it's not about my story. It's about yours. A good song will help you realise something. Will help you see something in yourself. Will give you something to think about.
So. I need to update.
Work is boring. As per normal. But it pays. I got more work. Which means more money for cdj's but more boredome. I'm grateful for the money. So I should stop complaining. But I'm not going to stop.
On Saturday I went to Manchester Pride. It was fucking epic. I was all loved up with my boyfriend Sam. It was epic. We went together with friends. It was awesome. There were lots of awesome floats. The one that stands out though is the Gay-batman. It was just a car that was a cross between FAB1 and The Batmobile with a gay-batman in it. It was funny and poignant. And cool. The rest were awesome too. I just don't remember the individual floats.
Then after a long, day standing up on my feet (without any sitting down) me and Sam crashed at Sams.
Then "IT" happened.
Finally.
After all these years of waiting I was finally liberated.
If you don't understand that then don't ask. I'm not going to tell you.
I feel on top of the fucking world.
In fact I AM on top of the whole world. It's awesome.
That's the major news.
In other news I learnt Two beds and a coffee machine on piano. In less than a day. Which is an awesome song and a big step for me in terms of my sight-reading skills.
That's all for now. I seem to habe lost the volition to do blogs that are of any literary worth. Maybe the want/need will come back soon but right now I'm using it as a place to get stuff out of my head.
Song of the day: All time low - Weightless
Quote of the day: "Let's spend tonight on top of the world; we could do anything, we could be anything; I'll meet you tonight on top of the world; as real as it seems you're only in my dreams"
Wednesday 26 August 2009
Disenchanted; though I'm not lyrically damaged...
I've not blogged in a while. I'd like to say it was because I was too busy. I'm just rather disenchanted at the moment. And you know what? I like it. I like the feeling that I have inside that makes me want to run away. It's a beautiful feeling. It's like my soul is going to burst in joyous rapture.
My life is a supernova in a universe. And in this split-second that is my life I have to use all the time that I have and do everything that I want. It's a beautiful realisation. And I'm going to act on it.
Expect to be hearing my music on a c.d.
Expect to be reading my words in a book.
So what have I been up to?
Lots.
I've been writing lots and lots and lots of music, frantically trying to get my thoughts down on my computer, editing and re-editing the simplest things to make it all sound perfect. And then quickly moving onto the next song, just so that it's not lost in the ether of my mind. Because ideas are milliseconds. And milliseconds move to quickly.
I have also been doing some writing. Less writing than making music admittedly but I don't mind. It's finding a healthy balance. I've not quite found it yet. But I'm nearly there.
My summer has consisted of me working. And if I haven't been at work I've been working at home for my resit. And I've been working on my organisation. And I've been working on my songs. I've been working at living home alone. I've been working on my relationship with my boyfriend Sam.
I haven't stopped. And whilst It's been exhilarating and exciting, it's also been every other emotion under the sun. Namely tiring. But I can deal with it for now. I'm just going to have to crash and burn when I finish work.
My songs are good. At least I'd like to think they are. Maybe they're not. But thinking like that wouldn't get me very far would it. Ok, so non of them are perfect album material.
But this is the beginning of something big.
I can feel it.
The fuse has been lit and soon I'm going to explode. Just like a firework.
I feel just how I assume Kerouac felt when he said “The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!"
And I know it seems incredulous to believe it but I feel like I am Kerouac. On my own adventure. Never letting the moment pass me by. Never letting the precious little, golden, milliseconds pass me by. Which is why I've not been thinking about what happens when Sam goes away to Bangor on the 20th of September.
Our relationship has been strengthened to the point where I'm beginning to think that it would work, that I could cope with the long distance. In fact the more I think about it the more I realise that right now I would totally deal with the long distance.
Our relationship has been getting stronger. I don't know how, or why, but it has. So much so that we're going to Manchester Pride next weekend. Me, Sam and some friends. It's going to be awesome. We're not parading, just watching, waving flags, holding each others hand. Being blissfully in love. And not giving a flying fuck about anything other than what a special connection there is between us. Nurturing the connection like it was a delicate Bonsai.
I am in love.
There are no two ways about it.
I'm in love.
And there's nothing I can do.
xx
Quote of the day: “I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.” - Jack Kerouac - On the Road
Song of the day: Marina and the Diamonds - I am not a robot
My life is a supernova in a universe. And in this split-second that is my life I have to use all the time that I have and do everything that I want. It's a beautiful realisation. And I'm going to act on it.
Expect to be hearing my music on a c.d.
Expect to be reading my words in a book.
So what have I been up to?
Lots.
I've been writing lots and lots and lots of music, frantically trying to get my thoughts down on my computer, editing and re-editing the simplest things to make it all sound perfect. And then quickly moving onto the next song, just so that it's not lost in the ether of my mind. Because ideas are milliseconds. And milliseconds move to quickly.
I have also been doing some writing. Less writing than making music admittedly but I don't mind. It's finding a healthy balance. I've not quite found it yet. But I'm nearly there.
My summer has consisted of me working. And if I haven't been at work I've been working at home for my resit. And I've been working on my organisation. And I've been working on my songs. I've been working at living home alone. I've been working on my relationship with my boyfriend Sam.
I haven't stopped. And whilst It's been exhilarating and exciting, it's also been every other emotion under the sun. Namely tiring. But I can deal with it for now. I'm just going to have to crash and burn when I finish work.
My songs are good. At least I'd like to think they are. Maybe they're not. But thinking like that wouldn't get me very far would it. Ok, so non of them are perfect album material.
But this is the beginning of something big.
I can feel it.
The fuse has been lit and soon I'm going to explode. Just like a firework.
I feel just how I assume Kerouac felt when he said “The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!"
And I know it seems incredulous to believe it but I feel like I am Kerouac. On my own adventure. Never letting the moment pass me by. Never letting the precious little, golden, milliseconds pass me by. Which is why I've not been thinking about what happens when Sam goes away to Bangor on the 20th of September.
Our relationship has been strengthened to the point where I'm beginning to think that it would work, that I could cope with the long distance. In fact the more I think about it the more I realise that right now I would totally deal with the long distance.
Our relationship has been getting stronger. I don't know how, or why, but it has. So much so that we're going to Manchester Pride next weekend. Me, Sam and some friends. It's going to be awesome. We're not parading, just watching, waving flags, holding each others hand. Being blissfully in love. And not giving a flying fuck about anything other than what a special connection there is between us. Nurturing the connection like it was a delicate Bonsai.
I am in love.
There are no two ways about it.
I'm in love.
And there's nothing I can do.
xx
Quote of the day: “I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.” - Jack Kerouac - On the Road
Song of the day: Marina and the Diamonds - I am not a robot
Saturday 15 August 2009
The world is dead...
The world is dead tonight.
I don't know why but everybody who claims to stay up late doing nothing has deserted the cyberspace to either do other things or sleep.
Fuckers.
If cyberspace is quiet then you obviously don't stay up late doing random things because you'd be recording it on social networking sites just like you did during the day.
I wish I was feeling like this last night.
Meh.
I had my boyfriend over which was nice. We watched Edward Scissor hands. I've not seen it in years. It was good. Then we ate ice-cream and watched some of "Live at the Apollo".
It was funny.
Then we got onto The Shawshank redemption.
Then I fell asleep.
This wasn't as good. But meh. He never minds. It's becoming a regular occurrence now. Only when we're watching films mind. But still. Then at like 3:00 in the morning I suggested we go to bed.
This resulted in sex, which was good, if a little strange. Well strange isn't the right word. I mean see I've never known anyone be "too hot" for sex. And whilst it was nice, and he wasn't too hot so as to finish me off, I felt like I almost wasn't a turn-on enough for him.
He assured me that it was just the temperature of the room. And to be fair it is a hot room (with the aga chimney running through one of the walls) and he doesn't like the heat at all. So I did believe him. It's more the case that I felt bad because of it.
I'll get over it.
But no. Tonight I have an energy that I wish I'd had last night. Because you know, Sam was up for staying up later, drinking more and watching more Shawshank, and possibly other stuff that was on t.v.
But alas it wasn't to be. I needed sleep. And he felt obliged to join me. Which is fair enough.
But tonight I have so much energy.
I sat outside with my laptop, some good music, and unknown amounts of Vodka and Coke. It was epic. The stars were out and I was in full rave mood, listening to Code 64, Apoptygma Berzerk, The Prodigy and Pendulum. It was awesome.
Now I'm being obsessed with Frankmusik's "Confusion Girl" and that's being played (via youtube) on repeat.
I think it's time to read more Alan Bennett.
Talking Heads = win.
And then I should probably sleep. So's I can be productive tomorrow.
That's all for now.
xx
I don't know why but everybody who claims to stay up late doing nothing has deserted the cyberspace to either do other things or sleep.
Fuckers.
If cyberspace is quiet then you obviously don't stay up late doing random things because you'd be recording it on social networking sites just like you did during the day.
I wish I was feeling like this last night.
Meh.
I had my boyfriend over which was nice. We watched Edward Scissor hands. I've not seen it in years. It was good. Then we ate ice-cream and watched some of "Live at the Apollo".
It was funny.
Then we got onto The Shawshank redemption.
Then I fell asleep.
This wasn't as good. But meh. He never minds. It's becoming a regular occurrence now. Only when we're watching films mind. But still. Then at like 3:00 in the morning I suggested we go to bed.
This resulted in sex, which was good, if a little strange. Well strange isn't the right word. I mean see I've never known anyone be "too hot" for sex. And whilst it was nice, and he wasn't too hot so as to finish me off, I felt like I almost wasn't a turn-on enough for him.
He assured me that it was just the temperature of the room. And to be fair it is a hot room (with the aga chimney running through one of the walls) and he doesn't like the heat at all. So I did believe him. It's more the case that I felt bad because of it.
I'll get over it.
But no. Tonight I have an energy that I wish I'd had last night. Because you know, Sam was up for staying up later, drinking more and watching more Shawshank, and possibly other stuff that was on t.v.
But alas it wasn't to be. I needed sleep. And he felt obliged to join me. Which is fair enough.
But tonight I have so much energy.
I sat outside with my laptop, some good music, and unknown amounts of Vodka and Coke. It was epic. The stars were out and I was in full rave mood, listening to Code 64, Apoptygma Berzerk, The Prodigy and Pendulum. It was awesome.
Now I'm being obsessed with Frankmusik's "Confusion Girl" and that's being played (via youtube) on repeat.
I think it's time to read more Alan Bennett.
Talking Heads = win.
And then I should probably sleep. So's I can be productive tomorrow.
That's all for now.
xx
Midnight raving; 'neath the stars
I had a good night tonight. I thought it was going to be boring with me wanting to dance and nobody being available for going out and stuff.
Turns out that you can have just as much fun on your own with some simple ingredients.
Take:
This is good.
I feel great. I'm still slightly tipsy. But I'm good. Very good.
This is all for now. I've no idea why I decided to blog. Oh well.
xx
Turns out that you can have just as much fun on your own with some simple ingredients.
Take:
- One laptop.
- Some great music
- One amplifier
- Full volume
- An unknown amount of Vodka
- Some Coke
- One unclouded, starry night
This is good.
I feel great. I'm still slightly tipsy. But I'm good. Very good.
This is all for now. I've no idea why I decided to blog. Oh well.
xx
Tuesday 11 August 2009
I'm lucky...
I'm in a blogging mood. I don't know why. I haven't been in a properly blogg-ey mood for a bit. Which is strange. But hey.
First to appease both your artistic and your girlie sides two pictures.
This is beautiful. I want my life to be like that. All rainy yet sunny and artistic and clear and just darn right beautiful.
Now for something that will please the ladies and gay men.
I used it for one of my character profiles. It's how I imagined my character. And it's not just because my character's gay either. Although it did help when looking for pictures.
He's beautiful. Not as beautiful as my Sam mind.
I think I have a picture somewhere. Ahhh. Found it on my phone. Time to upload.
This one will please everybody who's been dyeing to see a picture of my wonderful, awesome, beautiful boyfriend.
The picture quality is crap 'cause it's from my shitty phone camera. And I'm not happy with the overall composition of the photo but y'a know I didn't have my DSLR on me. But it'll do. He's gorgeous anyway.
So yeah.
Life is good.
I have the house to myself for another two weeks whilst my parents journey off to Gozo; with my sister this time (having returned from a hockey tour in Australia with school).
This is all round goodness.
I nejoy having the house to myself. I think it's something about the being able to do whatever I want when I want. I mean my parents aren't really assholes (except when they are) but I can never do exactly what I want without feeling like I should be doing something else. There's always stuff to be done and although I have it easier than most, it's still a nightmare when I want to watch t.v. and get told to "do something else, it's not t.v. time yet" and that kind of shit. I'm nearly 20. I should be able to watch t.v. when I want. I do other stuff as well. It's not like I'm glues to the screen. Grrrr.
Maybe it's also the freedom to masterbuate when I want.
I mean. Having a boyfriend you'd think that I'd have no need to masturbate. And I don't. There is no need seeing as the sex is quite good. But having sex has given me a sex drive. And having a sex drive has increased the amount by which I feel the need to masturbate. It's a twisted logic. But I guess it's like having one drink and then having to get drunk because you feel the need for more drinks.
Now there's nobody here I can do it whenever I want without fear of getting caught.
I also like the fact that I can tidy my room when I want.
The reason my room is never immaculately tidy is because my mum tells me to tidy it. I don't like mess. And if I could tidy it when I wanted. I would tidy it. But because she's been nagging me all these years I've gotten used to it and now have gotten into the habit of only tidying when she asks. So if she didn't ask I'd start tidying it when I wanted and it would get done. Maybe not straight away. But it would get done.
Win win for both parties.
She won't have any of it though.
But meh.
So home alone is good.
Work isn't.
And I have more hours.
But that means more money.
Which will help me buy some c.d. d.j. decks.
http://www.djstore.com/item/numaxis9.htm
They look awesome. And I will actually have the money to buy them.
Then I can do some shows in Lancaster next term.
It's going to happen.
xx
p.s. I'm watching Autistic Me on BBC 3 and I feel lucky. I'm not autistic. But I'm dyspraxic and that means I'm on the autistic spectrum. But my difficulties aren't as 'bad' as those on the programme now.
First to appease both your artistic and your girlie sides two pictures.
This is beautiful. I want my life to be like that. All rainy yet sunny and artistic and clear and just darn right beautiful.
Now for something that will please the ladies and gay men.
I used it for one of my character profiles. It's how I imagined my character. And it's not just because my character's gay either. Although it did help when looking for pictures.
He's beautiful. Not as beautiful as my Sam mind.
I think I have a picture somewhere. Ahhh. Found it on my phone. Time to upload.
This one will please everybody who's been dyeing to see a picture of my wonderful, awesome, beautiful boyfriend.
The picture quality is crap 'cause it's from my shitty phone camera. And I'm not happy with the overall composition of the photo but y'a know I didn't have my DSLR on me. But it'll do. He's gorgeous anyway.
So yeah.
Life is good.
I have the house to myself for another two weeks whilst my parents journey off to Gozo; with my sister this time (having returned from a hockey tour in Australia with school).
This is all round goodness.
I nejoy having the house to myself. I think it's something about the being able to do whatever I want when I want. I mean my parents aren't really assholes (except when they are) but I can never do exactly what I want without feeling like I should be doing something else. There's always stuff to be done and although I have it easier than most, it's still a nightmare when I want to watch t.v. and get told to "do something else, it's not t.v. time yet" and that kind of shit. I'm nearly 20. I should be able to watch t.v. when I want. I do other stuff as well. It's not like I'm glues to the screen. Grrrr.
Maybe it's also the freedom to masterbuate when I want.
I mean. Having a boyfriend you'd think that I'd have no need to masturbate. And I don't. There is no need seeing as the sex is quite good. But having sex has given me a sex drive. And having a sex drive has increased the amount by which I feel the need to masturbate. It's a twisted logic. But I guess it's like having one drink and then having to get drunk because you feel the need for more drinks.
Now there's nobody here I can do it whenever I want without fear of getting caught.
I also like the fact that I can tidy my room when I want.
The reason my room is never immaculately tidy is because my mum tells me to tidy it. I don't like mess. And if I could tidy it when I wanted. I would tidy it. But because she's been nagging me all these years I've gotten used to it and now have gotten into the habit of only tidying when she asks. So if she didn't ask I'd start tidying it when I wanted and it would get done. Maybe not straight away. But it would get done.
Win win for both parties.
She won't have any of it though.
But meh.
So home alone is good.
Work isn't.
And I have more hours.
But that means more money.
Which will help me buy some c.d. d.j. decks.
http://www.djstore.com/item/numaxis9.htm
They look awesome. And I will actually have the money to buy them.
Then I can do some shows in Lancaster next term.
It's going to happen.
xx
p.s. I'm watching Autistic Me on BBC 3 and I feel lucky. I'm not autistic. But I'm dyspraxic and that means I'm on the autistic spectrum. But my difficulties aren't as 'bad' as those on the programme now.
Sunday 9 August 2009
Vinyl decks vs c.d. decks?
If anybody in the whole world wants to reply then go for it.
I'm looking for a set of decks. But I'm not rich. I wish. Well not I Don't but hey.
The pro's for Vinyl are as follows:
Can you scratch with c.d.'s?
I mean is there a facility to have something that looks like a vinyl that just plays c.d.'s instead?
That's all.
xx
I'm looking for a set of decks. But I'm not rich. I wish. Well not I Don't but hey.
The pro's for Vinyl are as follows:
- Looks cool
- Retro
- Expensive
- Hard to maintain
- Not necessarily a better quality
- I don't have any vinyl's and would need to start a collection = expensive
- Cheap
- Easy to use
- I don't have to start a vinyl collection
- Not as cool looking
Can you scratch with c.d.'s?
I mean is there a facility to have something that looks like a vinyl that just plays c.d.'s instead?
That's all.
xx
Sunday 2 August 2009
I'm in love; and it's fucking fantastic...
Today has been fucking fantastic. That's an understatement. But I don't care. Words cannot describe how I feel right now. I am truly, truly, truly, ON TOP OF THE WORLD!
Everything went to plan. We even ended up at Mish's Mexican party where Sam got more drunk than I'd have liked. But I managed. Which is good. Normally I would have freaked but tonight I didn't. This is good.
It means I'm changing.
Change is good.
Change is no longer bad.
Change is good.
CHANGE IS FUCKING GOOD!!!!!
*Ahem*
A more serious and less "squee" type post will follow when I get chance.
For now though you'll have to deal with me being in love.
Quote of the day: “Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”
Song of the day: On top of the world - Boys like Girls
Everything went to plan. We even ended up at Mish's Mexican party where Sam got more drunk than I'd have liked. But I managed. Which is good. Normally I would have freaked but tonight I didn't. This is good.
It means I'm changing.
Change is good.
Change is no longer bad.
Change is good.
CHANGE IS FUCKING GOOD!!!!!
*Ahem*
A more serious and less "squee" type post will follow when I get chance.
For now though you'll have to deal with me being in love.
Quote of the day: “Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”
Song of the day: On top of the world - Boys like Girls
Friday 31 July 2009
Everything slots into place like the last few pieces of a jigsaw...
Life is finally taking shape. All my hopes and fears and dreams are being realised, vanquished and dreamt. It’s like the hands of the gods have been placed over me and like nothing could ever go wrong again. I mean of course I know something’s gonna go tits-up at some point. But I’m not going to think about that right now. I haven’t blogged in a week. Mainly due to the fact that I had my internet revoked at work and most of my blogs were lunch-time musings. But hey. Everything is coming together. In light of which I feel I should recount the tales of my planning.
So. I finally think I know what Emma’s birthday present is going to be. Well I knew when I bought the canvas that I was going to do something creative on it for her. But I wasn’t too sure what. I tried the whole printing out a quarter of her face on 6 x 4 paper and sticking it together at funny angles. Unfortunately her nose go missed out the middle (not through any fault of my own, more through the fault of the stupid printer) so that idea went down the drain. Now my idea has turned into something a little more modern art and less “best-friends forever” which is good. It means more serious and less cheese, which always equals a good birthday present. What I’m thinking is doing stripes of different thicknesses down the left hand side and some diagonal ones on the bottom left corner. Then probably do some kind of lightning bolt-style motif-ey-thing from the top right hand corner diagonally down. Then from there I’m thinking possibly doing some circles, of different sizes. All depending on what I come up with when I design it this evening. All I know is that it’s going to have lots of bold colours and be just absolutely epicly awesome. After some designing has been done, I shall then continue to plan her epic night-into-town, which will be as a kind of half
“birthday surprise”, half “you’ve never been into town” affair. I mean I know she’s going to be having her own birthday party that she’s organising, and that it would be unfair to not let her do that. So this isn’t going to rival that, merely go along side it and you know, be fun and cool and drunken!
In other news. I’m feeling a lot better about being with Sam. Not that I ever wasn’t happy about being with him, you must understand. I was always happy being with him (otherwise I wouldn’t be with him). It’s just I was always cautious because of him going to
But fuck that.
I’ve organised him a really special day on Sunday. I don’t think he reads me blog. So I think I’m safe to reveal the plans.
So yeah. He doesn’t know much. He knows that I’m waking him up about 10:30 and that I’ve got something planned for him, but he has no idea what and he’s really intrigued and excited and I feel powerful. Mwahahaha.
*Ahem*
So yeah. I’m picking him up at 10:30. He’ll probably just be waking up around then so I’ll you know, get him his coffee, wake him up even more and just generally make sure he’s ready to get going. This may take longer than planned (‘cause Sam’s not a morning person) but I’ve left enough time (I hope).
Then I’m taking him into town for a lazy brunch at All Fired Up, which is an epic café that does have pottery painting facilities. Not on Sunday though unfortunately. Maybe some other day.
There we will eat whatever we fancy, drink whatever we want and chat and talk and be generally the sickly couple that no-body who’s single really wants to be around.
Then we’re going to the cinema for the 12:40 (off the top of my head) showing of The Proposal which looks good. I wanted to go see Bruno or The Hangover but they’re on much later. And that doesn’t fit in with the plan. But hey.
So we watch the film, nom-nomming (technical term – infinitive “to nom”) on chocolate (popcorn is horrible yuuuuck!) and hopefully laughing (it’s a rom. com.) and generally having a good time. Then it’s back to his where I will cook him food (probably pasta based). Then we will dine on pasta based food and gorge ourselves on chocolate cake made form 100% bars that I purchased from Hotel Chocolat in
Then it’s upstairs for a massage and whatever else follows. I’ll leave that to your imagination.
That’s all for now.
xx
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