Pleasing those feeling of artistic superiority...

This one's for my dear friend Helen. I'm hoping she can guess what book this is from. She should be able to. We're both obsessed.



This next extract is beautiful.


'It's a wordless song, for the most, but it's a song all the same, and nobody hearing it could doubt what it sings. And the song sings the loudest when you pick out each note.'


I'm feeling romantic. I'm feeling completely and utterly in love. I'm feeling like I want to sweep a certain someone off their feet with a romantic gesture so great that it makes them nearly cry and then leap into my arms in wonderous passion. I'm in love. I know it now. And non of that I'm in love with life crap. Because quite frankly I thought I was in love with life mainly based on the fact that I wasn't in love with anybody. But my passion for life has come streaming back, right at this very moment, and I realise that I have to take each moment as it comes. Non of this "He's moving to Bangor next year" crap. I love him. I've been holding back slightly because I didn't want to get too hurt. But fuck being hurt, I'm in love. Simple.

xx

Apathetic boy is apathetic...

Yes, this is true. Apathetic boy is apathetic.

And now apathetic boy is angry.

I wish I had something worse than dyspraxia, just so my mother would stop trying to make things "ok". She seems to think that if she tells me to do things, or gets in the way of things, that they'll be better. They won't. So stop trying. It's like last night. I was sat in the lounge, still in my work clothes (long sleeved shit and dark jeans), and she came in and the first thing she said to me was, "Gosh, you look hot." (And not in that way you sick minded perverts.) And she said it in one of those ways which to me says "You should have changed by now, because it's hot and I THINK you should have changed." And it pisses me off to much. I complained about this and her comback was something along the lines of, "Well what am I supposed to do? You don't seem to be able to understand when your body is telling you something. If you can't see it yourself then I have to step in. I don't like doing it either but it's hard to see you like this."

Point 1

I've always been like this. Nothing has changed. Nothing is different. It has always been this way, and it always will be this way. There is nothing she can do to change me. I have dyspraxia, things are going to be difficult. I'm not going to act "normally." I'm not going to be able to listen to my bodies needs all the time. Fuck off and leave me alone.

Point 2

I won't be at home forever. You won't always be there to tell me those things. I mean I might not do these things when you leave me to my own devices, but you're going to have to leave me to my own devices some day.

FUCK OFF!

In the kindest way possible I just wish you'd fuck off and leave me to my own devices. Grrrrrrr.

I need to get back to work now.

Work is boring.

xx

Quote of the day: "Pretty is the sun don't shine, I'll be coming up to get you, I'll be there to make you mine" - Air Traffic - Shooting Star

Song of the day: Shooting Star by Air Traffic

Shooting stars; broken hearts and love stories...

Romeo take me, somwhere we can be alone,
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run,
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess,
It's a love story, baby just say yes.

Those are the lyrics for Love Story by Taylor Swift. It describes my situation perfectly at the moment. It's a beautiful song with so much emotion. It makes me well up every time. It's that beautiful.

Not much to update so far today.

xx

Quote of the day: "I know a girl who cries when she practices violin because each note sounds so pure it just cuts into her, and then the melody comes pouring out her eyes. Now, to me, everything else just sounds like a lie.” - Bright Eyes - Going for Gold.

Song of the day: Fightstar - Deathcar - "So bring out the deathcar, and we'll drive tonight; you're only making it worse; so bring out the deathcar, and we'll sleep tonight; just say the words and it will all be over."

Running...

Ever wanted to go somewhere you'd never been? Haven't we all? Maybe, but not in the way I mean it. I mean most people say "I haven't been to Spain, I'd quite like to go there" or "I've never been to Paris and I HAVE to go before I die!"

Yeah we've all felt like that, but I'm feeling different. I want to go somewhere I've never been before; somewhere completely new. Anyone up for it? I mean literally I want to take my car, some good books, a good friend, some good music, and drive to some random place, and sit in a random pub and read/drink/write/have an awesome time. It would certainly be a fun road-trip. Let's do it! I'm serious. I really just want to get away from here for a while. Obviously it couldn't be that long seeing as I'm woring Monday to Friday. But it could be a good weekend. I'm thinking possibly The Lake District. I mean other places are fun too, but The Lake District has cheap youth hostels. And by cheap I mean not as cheap as I remember it being (having just checked on the website). I'm going to suggest it to Liz, my best Friend from college who at the moment is bored of her mind without a job. I think it would be nice to get away, just the two of us, best friends once again united after being at different universities for the year.

Hmmmm... sounds like a plan.

I need to get back to work.

xx

Updates...

I'm surprised I didn't say this earlier. But you know, you forget some things. I mean I didn't forget this, it's only just really sinking in. But here goes for nothing.

I FINALLY HAVE A SEX LIFE!

If two lesbians can do it and call it sex, then so can I.

Well what can I say, it's been nineteen long years of waiting, but finally I've done it. No pun intended you understand. Now I can quite happily say I'm not a genophobe. I mean as much as I'm kinda scared of going all the way, most people would be if they were about to have their anus invaded. Yeah that's right. At this point I guess I should let y'all know that I'm bi-sexual. Most people I know, know that I am, but I doubt you luverly people in cyberspace do. It's amazing what you take as a given. It's like I assume naturally that people know I'm bi-sexual. A family friend found out, through her daughter (who I don't speak to), who found out through facebook, that I was "in a relationship" and she asked me "So who is she then?" and I wondered why she was so confused when I said "His name is Sam". But heh, what can you do.

So, that's that news out of the way. Slightly old news. But it's out of the way non-the-less.

I must get back to work.

xx