Every single day I get out of bed and the world envelopes me with its arms in a death-grip-hug that doesn't let up until the days end.
Every single day I've explored the world so far, I've found that I can do one of two things; sit back and enjoy the ride or try with all my might to get off the roller-coaster of life. Of course the latter doesn't work and of course there are days when I want nothing more than to get off the roller-coaster so that I can stop the spinning in my head and throw up copious amounts of candy-floss, but that's not to say that there aren't days when I have a choice. I am fortunate enough to so far have had plenty of choice with how I face each challenge thrown at me.
There's a problem though. It comes in the form of that phrase "sit back and enjoy the ride." It implies apathy towards actually doing anything. It implies that the status quo is something that should just be accepted and that we should enjoy life as it comes no matter what form it takes and no matter how much it might be out to make us feel like shite. But still I'd rather sit back and enjoy the ride than try and get off the ride. Right? Wouldn't anyone want to do that if they had a choice? I mean it sounds pretty neat when you think about it, doing fuck all and enjoying everything; count me in.
But still I'm uncomfortable with the doing fuck all part. It's the beauty of the human mind that I can change my viewpoint to make almost any situation seem ok and if I really wanted to expend that much energy then I can just about envision a world where everything really was ok and where I did fuck all and enjoyed it. But no matter how much viewpoint changing we do there are always going to be inconsistencies. That and it's not a practical way of living your life. I mean you could make a convincing argument for the idea that gay marriage is not ok because the bible states that marriage should be between one man and one woman (and however many goats/concubines/slaves etc.) but a problem arises when you then try and consider the viewpoint that gay marriage should be allowed because people fall in love with whoever the fuck they happen to fall in love with and they should be allowed to declare this by law just like everybody else. No matter how much mind-bending you do there isn't a situation where you can come out as being 100% ok with both sides of the argument.
And this leads me to a question... if I'm not going to sit back and enjoy the ride and I'm not going to try and get off the ride then what the hell can I do?
The only solution I can come up with is "help others enjoy the ride too."
I mean if I'm trying to get as much enjoyment out of this bumpy, vomit-inducing, fantastically beautiful ride of life™ as possible then why wouldn't I want to help other people have as great a time as I'm having? I didn't get dealt the worst hand by a long, long, long, long, long way but I've not had it the easiest either and I certainly wouldn't want for people to have a journey on a ride that's worse than mine.
This is of course at the moment not considering the fact that we're all on different rides with their own twists and turns and no-ones experience of the ride of life™ will be the same as someone else's but the point still stands; I don't want anyone to have a worse time than myself on the ride of life™ (not matter what form it takes).
Considering, then, that I want to help people enjoy the ride of life™ the next question I have to pose is why is it any of my business? I mean some people seem perfectly happy with their ride and who am I to go interfering with their enjoyment of the things they choose to do?
At first it seems blindingly obvious that one should only go messing in other people's affairs when it affects them directly. But this poses some issues. Being anti-gay marriage directly affects LGBT people but being pro-gay marriage contravenes the bible and directly affects those Christians who don't want LGBT couples to marry. So who's affairs do we go meddling in?
I'm hoping that everyone reading this chose those who are anti-gay marriage. The reason? Because being anti-gay marriage negatively affects those who would like to marry their same/multi/no-gendered partner. Now I know for a fact that there's an argument that being pro-gay marriage negatively affects those Christians who don't want LGBT couples to marry. But I'm very confused as to how someone else's happiness can negatively affect your own life. It seems like a paradox that someone else's happiness could make you unhappy. Yes there are circumstances when someone else being happy could very well make you feel crap. Like the school bully, victorious from a fight may well be very happy but at the expense of another student who we can safely assume isn't feeling so happy. But most peoples aim in life isn't to feel happy at the expense of someone else's happiness. It's to feel happy whilst allowing other people to experience happiness at the same time.
So what gives you might ask? Why should we meddle in the affairs of those who are anti-gay marriage. If they would be happier in a world without gay marriage when why should we be interfering with their ride of life™ and trying to change the way they think?
The answer comes down to the fact that on this ride of life™ numerous things can exist at the same time. It's wonderful that we live in a world where many different "groups" of people can all exist in the same country and not have to have their lives cross-paths should they not wish them to. Should gay marriage exist there is nothing that is going to force anyone to marry someone of the same/multi/no-gender. That would be preposterous. There is also nothing that is going to force you to be around people who are have married their same/multi/no-gendered partner. Of course you might have to put up with more LGBTQ+ people holding hands as they walk down the street and you might have to *gasp* work with LGBTQ+ people but in a world where certain people have to put-up with bigoted behaviour I'm sure you can put-up with occasionally having to see LGBTQ+ people show their love for each other. I mean hell, if it upsets you that much you can quite easily move to some remote southern state of America and live out your life surrounded by people who are anti-gay marriage and quite possibly never have to see an LGBTQ+ person again in your life.
Basically what I'm trying to say is that in a world where multiple different things can co-exist peacefully why should we settle for a world that is less inclusive and thus make the ride of life™ difficult for anyone? That would be silly right? Unfortunately not everyone seems to have grasped the idea that they don't have to let something interfere with their lives as much as they make out it will. Expending energy in pointing out that something might interfere with your life is about as pointless as a lactose intolerant person drinking milk to point out that they shouldn't ingest milk. By pointing out that gay marriage might affect your life you're letting gay marriage affect your life. Of course there are going to be times when gay marriage affects your life in situations beyond your control but it's the same with lactose intolerance; sometimes there's going to traces of hidden lactose that you're going to accidentally ingest. Except of course that the analogy of lactose intolerance doesn't really work because that's it's not a choice unlike being anti-gay marriage which is a choice. But you get the picture.
This is where I shoe-horn in my next point. The status quo. First of all let's see what that actually means... The existing state of affairs, esp. regarding social or political issues: "they have a vested interest in maintaining the status quo".
The existing state of affairs. From this phrase it isn't a leap of logic to understand why we have a status quo. Of course no matter what journey through the ride of life™ we take there is always going to be a majority in some areas. And even if there isn't a clear majority (as is sometimes the case) there will always be some things that come out on top because of the way that history has progressed. In the UK in 2013 monogamous, straight relationships are considered to be the 'norm' because the UK has for a very long time existed under the premise that anything outside of that would deviate too far from Christian doctrine and thus the idea that straight, monogamous relationships are 'normal' has been ingrained into people minds through many years of social conditioning. If you've never known anything outside the experiences of your life then it stands to reason that you would believe certain things to be 'normal' and other things to be 'not-normal'.
But as understandable as this is, I still find it hard to fathom the ferocity with which people will defend the status quo. Upon discovering that there are ways of thinking different to their own many people will revolt and put far much more energy into trying to defend their cosy, familiar way of thinking than they will into trying to understand this new situation that they are confronted with. Surely it would be much more productive for people to use their energy in trying to understand people rather than trying to force their horribly misguided and harmful ways of thinking on others?
Alas a large amount of people will still try and defend their tiny, little piece of life and will get very arsey when their viewpoint is challenged. And I'd say that I don't blame them if it weren't for the fact that every time I try to change someone's viewpoint the solution offered always allows multiple situations to co-exist whereas the solution offered to me usually only allows one situation to exist with someone (read: the minorities) getting the raw end of the deal.
We need to move past this black and white thinking that only one way of life can exist at a time. I mean truthfully I'd love it if I could wipe out homophobia, transphobia, bi-phobia the fear of polyamoury, and the fear of BDSM relationships but I know that it's going to be a very long time before we achieve all of that. It doesn't mean that I'm going to stop trying to wipe out each of these things but until the status quo changes I'd totally cool if people were up for letting multiple world-views and situations co-exist at the same time so that nobody ended up getting the raw end of the deal and everybody could be as happy as possible in the current society that we live in.
Last night I spent the entire evening with two people who mean an awful lot to me. As in I spent approximately 6 hours with the two most important people in my life right now. It was beautiful. And by beautiful I mean I spent 6 hours being more comfortable than I ever have been in my whole life. It was glorious. I didn't even feel this comfortable the time I realised that wearing women's clothes wasn't just something I did for drunken nights on the town (and was completely ok with it). We talked about all kinds of things that in most social situations would be frowned upon and we enjoyed it. We were open and honest and completely non-judgemental whilst at the same time being able to express clearly if we felt uncomfortable discussing something and able move onto a different topic of conversation. I wish the whole world was like this. I understand that it's not and that it's very unrealistic to believe even for a second that this would work in everyday life, but when wanting to be open and truthful about who I am in everyday life presents itself with so many difficulties I begin to wonder where the line between having unrealistic expectations and having to close off who I am is drawn.
Should I have to compromise my happiness because it's unrealistic for me to expect everyone to be so open and understanding? I'm not sure I should. Surely my enjoyment on the ride of life™ shouldn't be impacted upon by other people and their lack of desire to let multiple different situations co-exist at the same time. If my being happy doesn't affect them directly then why shouldn't I be happy?
And right now my happiness doesn't directly affect anyone but myself and the people I love.
