I still love you with every little piece of my broken heart ...

So. It's been a while. I don't know why. I just haven't felt like blogging. Now is time though. Now is definitely time.

So a lot has happened recently. I've blogged about not being a student I'm sure. But for those of you who don't know... I'm not a student any more.

It's annoying.

It's weird.

It's screwed up.

It's an excitingly fresh, new start.

I have a range or emotions about the situation, mainly because I didn't drop out of uni. I failed. So y'a know, everythings strange. It's like my soul is overflowing with emotions so much so that I cannot control the very growing anguish of the pain that I feel inside. My umbrella always had holes in it. It's just that it's started to rain. What's weird though is that I almost like getting wet. I'm not to sure why. But it's nice.

It's interesting.

It's enjoyable.

It's helping me grow.



It's showing me that only I can shelter myself from the storm. (With the help of my wonderful friends that is; you know who you are.)





That's one piece of news. Onto another.


I am no longer with my boyfriend Sam Roulstone.

It's been coming for a while. I mean the second time we ended up in bed together (third time meeting him) he casually mentioned (during the morning pillow talk) that he was going to Bangor to study Environmental Chemistry "next year". I should have known that things were going to be difficult. In fact I did know things were going to be difficult. But I did this whole "I'll cross that bridge when I come to it" thing which wasn't too healthy. But it worked. We fell in love.

He was gorgeous,

He was sexy,

He was awesome,

He was cuddly,

He was ticklish,

He held my hand,

He was my first,

He was mine.

It wasn't working though. He was a nightmare to get hold of. He was virtually un-contactable for a while because he lost his phone. It was annoying and I needed my cuddles and my kisses etc.

I did go down to Bangor to see him. I went to the open day whilst there and will probably be there next year studying Music Tech. and Creative Writing. It would be awesome to do that.

But I digress. So yeah. I went to see him. Things seemed fine. they were fine. Then I found out that he'd kissed a guy at a party whilst still in Lancaster. This didn't bother me too greatly, or it wouldn't have done if he'd still been in Lancaster. Trouble was he was miles away and could be doing whatever with whoever. I ended it with him. In hindsight I found this a rather hasty decision so I spoke to him and tried to sort it out. I wanted to give him a second chance and to sort things out. Long story short though he told me he didn't love me enough to make it work properly. Not good. Oh well. So then and there we ended it. Our wonderful 5 and a bit months spent together just finished. Finito. Ended.

It's hurting more than I'd like to think it is. I'm not denying it as such. Just trying to put a positive spin on things even though it's still hurting. Not shit-loads. But a little. I haven't got to the crying stage yet. But I do need a shoulder to lean on.

That's that.

I loved you Sam Roulstone.

It's a shame it didn't work.

But I would never have changed the time we spent together.

It was awesome.

xx

p.s. My weekend is going to be tiring. I have the Roc. Soc. trip to Jilly's on Saturday night and then I have to be up early on Sunday for a the Pagan Soc. stone circles trip. It's going to be tiring but fun. I cannot wait.