The shards of glass the punctured my heart still remain/*insert emo title here*

So I'm sat in my own house freezing my arse off. This may be why I've been feeling rather weird all week. It's certainly not been conducive to doing anything really that productive. It's all because we went over our gas bill in January by £300 and February by £100.

In theory I can see why someone has turned the boiler off, but in reality I've taken to sleeping in clothes just to try and stay warm.

I'm in a rather "meh" mood. And that is a technical term, honest!

So yeah, this is another of those whiny, slightly-emo posts that doesn't really do more than provide me with an outlet and is probably not worth your time reading.

If you're reading this then well done on plucking up the courage to read further, good luck.

So life isn't exactly right where I want it right now. It's taking me closer to my overall goal but it's not put me in a very good place. I'm stuck between whether I'm pissed of at what I wished for or whether I couldn't be happier; it seems I am both.

This leads me to be pissed of an irritable and just feeling down right shit to be honest. If I was pissed off at what I'd wished for then I could blame myself and be done with it. But because I'm also really happy that it might lead me in the direction I want, it's fucking up my already defunct emotional system. Maybe if I were "normal" then it would be ok, I don't know. But fuck being "normal" 'cause then I'd probably not be as driven to get to where I want to be.

So let's do some maths;

Emotion 1 = (cold house)

Emotion 2 = (wrong wish?)

Emotion 1 + Emotion 2 = Emotion 3

Emotion 3 = (stupidfuckingpullmyhairoutscreamandcry)

Now I'm going to revise what I said before and say that it's an incredibly emo post as opposed to a slightly emo post.

So I'm feeling incredibly crappy, and all I want is a really hot, pounding shower (not like the weedy one we have here), a good, long, chat, a cry, some chocolate and a good film.

Not too sure that's gonna happen though. People will be busy doing other stuff; which whilst annoying is fair enough.

I might just settle for going to bed ridiculously early in an attempt to get a decent nights sleep.

On the plus-side I think last night went ok. I dj'd to an audience properly for the first time at a house party and whilst I didn't smash-it (technical term), I still think that it went down ok. I've just got to expand my music collection to vast and epic proportions so that at least every other song I play is a belter (technical term).

This plus-point made me happy until I woke up this morning and realised how cold I was, that I had to volunteer in the afternoon and how inexperienced and crappy my Ostara ritual for Pagan Soc. is going to look. Yay. -_-

Anyways. Time to sign off and try and find something productive/interesting to do.




xx